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Emotional Triggers: Identify, heal and transform yourself

ByKayley

Do certain people, behaviours or situations trigger an emotional response in you? Have you ever wondered why you react this way? Or have your emotions always consumed you so much that you don’t even realise that you are being emotionally triggered?

We’ve all been there, and we regret it as soon as it happens. This blog will explain why this happens and provide real-life examples, including one of my own, where a messy home triggered me.

What are emotional triggers?

An emotional trigger is when you have an intense outburst, such as anger or shame. It may happen because of an event, a memory, or an experience. Whatever it is, it triggers a huge emotional response, no matter what your current mood is like.

Your five senses, such as touch, hearing, sight, smell and taste, can emotionally trigger you. Whatever it is your senses recognise can trigger these reactions from a previous life event or experience.

The memory may have been distressing, and your subconscious mind recognises the similarities between the then and now. Your reaction is your body’s way of protecting you. It doesn’t know the difference between then and now and is trying to keep you safe.

How to identify your emotional triggers

  • Reflect on past situations that caused an intense emotional reaction
  • Notice patterns in your emotions when interacting with certain people or environments
  • Journaling and therapy can help uncover deep-seated emotional triggers

How to ‘heal’ your emotional triggers

To start your healing process, practise self-awareness and become mindful of your emotions in your day-to-day life. If you can highlight your trigger whilst it’s happening, try to:

  • Practice self-awareness – Notice emotions in real time.
  • Use grounding techniques – Count backwards from ten or take deep breaths
  • Avoid immediate reactions – Step away before responding
  • Practice self-compassion – Don’t judge yourself for your emotional response

Journalling for your emotional triggers

If you can’t recognise your emotional triggers in the present moment, you could write a list over a week. Pick the trigger with the most emotional charge and dig deep into the why.

You can look at the reasons behind the way you react. You will reach acceptance, heal the wound, and release the stored trauma in your body. Getting rid of everything that no longer serves you.

Personal example of an emotional trigger

Here’s an example of reflecting on an emotional trigger:

Trigger: I noticed a pattern that when my home is untidy, I am agitated, angry, and irrational. I can’t rest until it’s clean. My heart thumps, my palms sweat, and I am on edge – I can’t relax. My thoughts turn to negative thinking about my worthiness. 

Past trigger: In my childhood, my parents became aggressive when the house was unclean. The expectations of my chores were unrealistic. Even after completing the chore, it was never good enough and punished me by not being able to play out with friends.

My wound: This could stem from the fear of punishment for an unclean home, triggering past negative feelings. My body’s reaction is a way for it to keep me safe from my past experiences. It’s alerting me to the perceived danger.

Healing: I’ve recognised the emotional trigger now. If my house is messy or unclean, I regulate my emotions, place a hand on my heart and breathe. Repeating a mantra that reflects my situation: ‘It’s safe for me to be in an untidy home. I can rest until I am ready to tidy’. Pick whatever feels right for you.

Outcome: Practised over time, an untidy home no longer affects my mood and no longer ruins my day. My relationship with my partner and children improved, as I can now control my reactions and don’t let an unclean home dictate my current mood. There is less guilt and anxiety,improving my mental health.

List of examples of emotional triggers

Here are more examples of emotional triggers that can help you get curious about yours.

Rejection and abandonment

Example: You send a message to a friend and they don’t respond immediately. You start feeling anxious, unworthy, or even abandoned.

Why it happens: Often linked to childhood experiences of neglect, past breakups, or unresolved attachment wounds.

Criticism and judgment

Example: Your boss gives you constructive feedback, but you interpret it as a personal attack and feel defensive.

Why it happens: May stem from a history of harsh parenting, bullying, or low self-esteem.

Feeling ignored or unheard

Example: In a group conversation, people talk over you, making you feel invisible or unimportant.

Why it happens: This can come from your childhood experiences where your opinions were dismissed or invalidated.

Injustice and unfair treatment

Example: A coworker takes credit for your idea in a meeting, and you feel intense anger and resentment.

Why it happens: This may stem from past experiences of being treated unfairly, such as sibling favouritism or discrimination.

Feeling controlled or powerless

Example: Your partner decides for both of you without talking to you, and you feel frustrated or suffocated.

Why it happens: Often triggered by past experiences of strict parenting, toxic relationships, or workplace micromanagement.

Betrayal and broken trust

Example: A friend shares a personal secret you confided in them, and you feel deeply hurt and distrustful.

Why it happens: Linked to past experiences of dishonesty, cheating, or loss of trust in key relationships.

Failure and not being “good enough”

Example: You fail an important test or don’t get a job you applied for, making you feel worthless or inadequate.

Why it happens: May be tied to perfectionism, parental pressure, or societal expectations.

Feeling unloved or unappreciated

Example: You put a lot of effort into helping someone, but they don’t acknowledge it, leaving you feeling unvalued.

Why it happens: Can stem from unmet emotional needs in childhood or past relationships where love was conditional.

Managing emotional triggers takes time, patience, and self-compassion. By understanding your triggers and practising these coping strategies, you can regain control over your emotions and improve your well-being. Diving deep into your emotional and behavioural reactions can have a huge impact on your life and healing journey. It can help you access a whole additional layer of self-awareness.

Which emotional triggers do you struggle with the most? Share your thoughts in the comments below!

Further reading

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