How to Understand Your Emotions: A Quick Guide
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Ever caught yourself thinking, “Why do I feel this way?” Same!
Honestly, emotions can be confusing, especially when we were never really taught how to understand them. No one sat us down in school and said, “Hey, here’s how to deal with frustration, guilt, or fear.” But as I’ve got older, I’ve realised that breaking emotions down into simple explanations makes them feel less overwhelming.
So, here’s a quick guide to understanding your emotions—kind of like a cheat sheet for your feelings. I hope it helps you as much as it’s helped me!
1. Anger: A Call for Change
Anger usually shows up when someone crosses a line—whether it’s your boundaries, beliefs, or values. It’s frustrating, but it’s also a signal.
🔹 My experience: I once had a colleague who constantly interrupted me in meetings. It made my blood boil. But instead of snapping, I started preparing my ideas in a way that made them harder to dismiss. Over time, my confidence grew, and so did my influence.
✅ What helped? Instead of letting anger consume me, I used it to make change.
2. Guilt: A Reminder of Your Values
Guilt kicks in when your actions don’t match the kind of person you want to be. It’s not there to punish you—it’s there to teach you.
🔹 My experience: I once forgot a close family member’s birthday because I was so burned out with work. I felt awful. But instead of dwelling on it, I apologised and made sure it never happened again.
✅ What helped? Owning up, making amends, and doing better next time.
3. Frustration: A Sign to Reassess
That stuck feeling? It’s usually frustration telling you that something needs to change and that you’re stuck between effort and outcome.
🔹 My experience: I was completing my end-of-module assignment for uni, but no matter how much I studied, I couldn’t get something down on paper. It was so annoying. But when I switched up my approach and broke it down into small manageable pieces, things finally started coming together.
✅ What helped? Tweaking my approach instead of quitting.
4. Boredom: A Need for Something Meaningful
Boredom isn’t about having nothing to do—it’s about needing something that excites you.
🔹 My experience: I used to scroll through my phone for hours, feeling restless. Turns out, I wasn’t really bored—I just needed something creative. So, I picked up crocheting, and suddenly, my free time felt exciting again.
✅ What helped? Finding something that sparked my curiosity.
5. Envy: A Window into Your Desires
Envy isn’t about wanting what someone else has—it’s about believing you can’t have it.
🔹 My experience: I used to feel envious of a friend who travelled all the time. Instead of resenting her, I asked myself, Why do I feel this way? I realised I could travel too—I just needed to start planning and prioritising it. It didn’t need to be all over the world, it could be here in the UK.
✅ What helped? Turning envy into inspiration instead of comparison.
6. Overthinking: The Brain’s Search for Control
Overthinking happens when your brain is trying to control the unknown. Spoiler: It can’t.
🔹 My experience: Before making a big career shift, I spent weeks analysing every possible outcome. Eventually, I realised I wasn’t making progress—I was just exhausting myself.
✅ What helped? Reminding myself that I don’t need to have all the answers right now—I just need to trust that I’ll handle whatever happens and I do! Looking back now, it was the best decision EVER!
7. Grief: Love with Nowhere to Go
Grief is love that doesn’t have a place to land anymore. And it hurts.
🔹 My experience: When I lost my nanna, I didn’t know what to do with the heaviness I felt. But I started lighting candles for her and sending prayers, which made me feel better about losing her.
✅ What helped? Letting myself feel instead of pushing it away.
8. Fear: Not Everything New is Dangerous
Fear is your brain’s way of protecting you—but sometimes, it overreacts.
🔹 My experience: Applying for a job and having an interview after many many years was terrifying. But I reminded myself that fear and excitement feel really similar. Shifting my perspective helped me lean into the experience instead of running from it.
✅ What helped? Asking myself, Is this fear protecting me, or is it holding me back?
9. Sadness: Processing, Not Weakness
Sadness isn’t a flaw—it’s your mind slowing down to catch up with your heart.
🔹 My experience: After a difficult few months with my long-term partner, I kept telling myself to be strong. But suppressing my sadness and hurt only made it worse. Once I let myself feel, I started healing.
✅ What helped? Giving myself permission to be sad.
10. Loneliness: A Nudge to Reconnect
Loneliness isn’t just about being alone—it’s about wanting connection.
🔹 My experience: After having a baby, I felt so isolated. But instead of retreating further, I pushed myself to reach out to people around me. Slowly, things got better.
✅ What helped? Making small efforts to connect, even when I didn’t feel like it.
11. Disappointment: Adjust, Don’t Shut Down
Disappointment happens when reality doesn’t match your expectations.
🔹 My experience: I once didn’t get a job I really wanted. It stung. But that rejection pushed me to improve my skills, and a few months later, I landed an even better role.
✅ What helped? Adjusting instead of shutting down.
Final Thoughts
Your emotions aren’t here to ruin your day—they’re here to help you. They’re signals, guiding you toward what matters. Instead of pushing them away, try listening to them.
Because when you understand your emotions, you understand yourself.
Further reading
If you would like to learn more about your emotions, try Atlas of the Heart by Brené Brown (affiliate link). I can’t recommend it enough! It goes through 87 emotions and helps you understand your emotions better. I loved it. An easy read that was broken down into manageable pieces.
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