What to Do When You Never Feel Good Enough (Even When You Try Everything)

Sometimes I feel like I’m just not good enough.

It’s that awful feeling that creeps in when you try something outside of your comfort zone, and your mind suddenly fills with doubt. It’s horrible.

And the funny thing is, on the outside, I’m seen as an overachiever, sometimes even confident.

But inside, I’m silently battling thoughts about whether I’m worthy or capable.

I hate it. And if you’re reading this, you probably do too.

I started to get curious about why I feel this way – and how I might begin to shift it.

And honestly, we’ve already done the hardest part: noticing. Becoming aware of these quiet, limiting beliefs that hold us back, fuel anxiety, or – in my case – cause relentless overthinking.

Here’s what I’ve learned…

Why Do We Feel Like We’re Not Good Enough?

Nobody is born thinking, “I’m not good enough.”

It’s a belief that develops gradually, usually in response to how we were treated or what we experienced. It’s rarely the result of someone directly telling us we’re not enough. More often, it’s something we pick up over time.

Here are a few reasons why this belief might have formed, and none of them mean anything is wrong with you.

1. Childhood Attachment and Conditional Love

As children, we learn about our worth by how others respond to us – especially to our emotions and needs.

If love, attention or praise felt conditional – given only when we were well-behaved, quiet, helpful or high-achieving – we may have internalised:

“I’m only loveable when I’m doing things right.”

Or even:

“When I show my real self, I get told off. I need to earn love by being better.”

Over time, this can leave a deep emotional imprint: “I’m not enough as I am.”

This isn’t about blame. Our parents were doing the best they could with what they had. But emotional patterns can still leave lasting effects, even when the intentions were good.

2. Repeated Messaging from Family, School or Culture

Sometimes it’s not one major event, but lots of small moments that quietly shape how we see ourselves.

These messages might have sounded like:

“Why can’t you be more like your sister?”
“Stop crying, you’re too sensitive.”
“Try harder – you can do better than this.”
“You never get anything right.”

On their own, they may seem harmless. But when repeated, especially in childhood, they plant a seed:

“I’m not enough yet – but maybe if I try harder, they’ll love me.”

3. Social Media and Constant Comparison

We live in a world that thrives on us feeling inadequate.
Every scroll on social media shows people with:

• Better skin
  
• Tidier homes
  
• Happier children
  
• “More healed” or put-together lives

It’s no wonder we feel like we’re falling behind. We’re constantly comparing ourselves to someone else’s reality.

But here’s the truth: those images aren’t real life. They’re often edited, filtered or selectively shared in a way to present perfection, not reality.

And yet, we internalise them. We assume other people are doing life better than we are. But perfection isn’t the goal, feeling at peace and whole is 

4. The Brain’s Built-In Threat Detector

Our brains are wired to look for danger – it’s how we’ve survived for thousands of years. But emotional rejection, shame or disconnection can feel like danger too.

If you grew up needing to earn love or approval, that pattern often follows you into adulthood. Your brain tries to protect you from repeating painful experiences, so it develops habits like:

• Letting your inner critic shout louder when you try something new
  
• Sabotaging good things because deep down, you feel you don’t deserve them
  
• Overworking or overgiving, just to feel “enough” to rest or receive love
  

This is not weakness.

It’s your nervous system doing what it’s learnt to do: keep you safe – even if it doesn’t serve you now.

How to tell if you feel like you’re not good enough?

As adults, this belief can show up in many ways, including:

• Constantly trying to prove yourself
  
• Over-apologising, even when you’ve done nothing wrong
  
• Struggling to celebrate your achievements
  
• Needing reassurance or validation to feel ok
  
• Dismissing your effort 

These behaviours often come from a place of emotional survival, not personality flaws.

What Helps (Without Trying to ‘Fix’ Yourself)

I wish I had all the answers for you, this is something I still struggle with. Not as much on a daily basis anymore, but it definitely creeps in now and again.

Here’s what’s helped me:

1. Notice the feeling

For me, it often shows up as irritability or racing thoughts. I also start procrastinating. Spotting your personal signs of not feeling good enough gives you the chance to pause and take back your power.

2. Be compassionate

When you notice the feeling, try to meet it with kindness instead of shame.

Ask yourself: “What would I say to a friend in this situation?”

Then say that to yourself, even if it feels awkward at first.

3. Journal

Write it out. Get curious, not critical.

Ask yourself:

• “Where might this belief have come from?”
  
• “Whose voice does this sound like?”
  
• “Is it true? What are the facts?

Learn more about my journey with journalling here.

4. Use a grounding mantra

A gentle phrase can help interrupt the spiral and bring you back to the present.
Some that help me:

• “It doesn’t need to be perfect — I am learning and growing.”
  
• “I am worthy enough, just as I am.”
  

5. Give the feeling somewhere to go (movement or creativity)

Sometimes that “not enough” energy gets trapped in the body. Going for a walk, stretching, dancing, even scribbling or painting can help release it in a healthy way, no pressure to be productive or perfect.

6. Visualise the younger you

This one can feel emotional, but powerful. Picture a younger version of yourself, maybe when you first started to believe you weren’t enough. What does she need to hear now? Can you offer her some safety and love, even just in your imagination?

Final thoughts: You’re enough just as you are 

You are good enough, just as you are.

It’s easy to forget, especially in a world that constantly tells us we need to be more. But we’re not here to be perfect. We’re here to live, to learn, to mess up, to grow, to try again. No one has it all figured out, and honestly, if we all did, what a boring place the world would be.

The truth is, those “not enough” beliefs, they aren’t your fault, and they aren’t facts. They were learned, often quietly, over time. From moments when you felt you had to perform, shrink, or strive in order to be loved or accepted.

But you’re not that version of yourself anymore. You’re an adult now. And you get to choose something new.

You can create a space within yourself that feels safe, a space built on love, compassion, and understanding. A space where you no longer need to prove anything. That survival pattern may have helped you once, but you don’t have to just survive anymore. You get to live.

And the good news? You’ve already started. Just by noticing, just by being here, reading this. Awareness is the first step. From here, you get to unlearn the stories that were never yours and begin to remember: your worth isn’t something you have to earn.

It was always already yours.

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