The things we don't talk about might just set us free

I was scared to speak about it, but now I feel light.

Yep, I said it. Talking about the things that hurt us and unloading that pain–big or small–might just set us free. How do I know, you might ask? I said things in my NHS Talking Therapies appointment today that I have never said to anyone – EVER!

Instead of feeling broken and overwhelmed, I actually left feeling light.

I let it out; it just kept coming, one memory after another. My chest felt so tight, my palms sweating with the tears rolling down my cheeks. Even now, as I write this, my eyes feel wet, but nothing is falling. But what I do feel is creative and inspired (I am writing this)–maybe even motivated to keep sharing my voice. For the first time, I was heard. It gave me the courage to keep talking–here now with you reading this.

Was it a lot? Yeah. Was it unsettling? Of course. But one thing I am sure of is that when I walked out of that room, made my way through the empty halls and into the car park, I sat in my car and instead of crying–I felt light.

We’re taught, or in my case, to hide our emotions. To be seen and not heard–to not take up space even in places where you should feel loved.

So I buried it, hid it underneath people-pleasing, trying to fix and carry everyone else’s problems. Never once stopping and thinking about my feelings, my pain, my perspectives. How everything has impacted me. I hid from it until I couldn’t any longer. I was sick of the past showing up in today, and I didn’t want that anymore.

So I made the decision to get help.

For the first time in years–I am being selfish! I am using my words, thinking about me. Not dismissing or comparing my trauma, but instead confronting it.

I think we all hold secrets, or truths left unsaid. Things we wish we were brave enough to utter out loud. Those whispers that become scars.

The best bit is, after two Talking Therapy sessions with the NHS–It’s not despair I feel. It’s relief. I used my words, said the things I am not supposed to talk about.

My shame no longer has power.

I feel less alone and heard.

I feel validated in my pain.

My chaotic past has been given a forum for clearer understanding.

Surprised? I was too.

If you have your own truth to tell, do it. Write it down. Voice note it. Or maybe you need a little bit more help like me–speak to your doctor and ask to be referred to NHS Talking Therapies.

The things we don’t talk about are meant to be heard. You may feel freer than you ever have before.