How To Understand Your Bad Habits and Behaviours: A Quick Guide

Have you ever caught yourself doing something you know isn’t helpful and yet you keep doing it anyway? Maybe you beat yourself up afterwards, wondering, “Why am I like this?”

You’re not alone. We all have patterns of behaviours and habits that seem to run on autopilot. Some of them protect us. Others hold us back. But the first step to change is awareness.

If you’re reading this, you’re already on that path.

Here’s some common habits and behaviours we all do, and ways you can overcome them.

1. Hyper-independence: Scared to Trust

You always rely on yourself. You rarely (if ever) ask for help. You may even feel proud of how much you handle but underneath that pride, there’s exhaustion and maybe even resentment.

Why it happens

Hyper-independence often forms as a response to broken trust, unreliable caregivers, or situations where asking for help isn’t safe or effective.

Signs you might be hyper-independent

• You struggle to delegate, even when overwhelmed
• You feel guilty or weak asking for help
• You pride yourself on “doing it all” but feel burnt out
• You struggle to delegate or trust others to meet your standards

You became self-reliant for a reason. That strength helped you survive or succeed. But now, it’s okay to soften. Letting others in doesn’t make you weak, it makes you human.

👉 Ask yourself: What would it feel like to let someone support me, even just a little?

✨ Affirm: It is safe for me to receive support. I don’t have to carry everything alone.

Zoning Out and Doom Scrolling: A Way to Escape Reality

We are all guilty of this one. When life feels a little too much, we try to escape.

Why it happens

It can be as simple as sometimes our brain just needs a break. But it can also keep us stuck and become a coping mechanism that is holding us back from experiencing life.

Signs you might be doom-scrolling and zoning out

• You spend hours on social media, and feel rubbish afterwards
• You’re avoiding something you need to do
• You know what you need to be doing, and that thing is the right thing to do but continue self-sabotaging

This doesn’t mean you’re lazy or broken, your brain is looking for relief. The key is noticing when zoning out stops helping and starts holding you back.

👉 Ask yourself: What feeling am I trying to avoid when I pick up my phone?

✨ Affirm: I offer myself patience and presence. I can face my feelings without judgment.

Over-explaining: Seeking Safety Through Control

Over-explaining is often a fear response. You might over-justify your responses, apologise when you haven’t even done anything or try to anticipate how others will react before they even speak.

Why it happens

Over-explaining is often a defence mechanism rooted in fear of being misunderstood, rejected, or punished. If you’ve been in environments where you had to constantly “prove” your intentions, you may have learned that over-explaining keeps you safe.

Signs you might be over-explaining

• You feel a need to justify every decision or boundary
• You worry people will misunderstand or be upset with you
• You over-prepare for conversations, anticipating conflict
• You feel anxious after expressing yourself, wondering if you said too much

It’s important to remember, you don’t owe anyone a perfect explanation to be heard and understood. You’re allowed to take up space and have an opinion. Anyone who does not respect that, is not worthy of your time.

👉 Ask yourself: What would it feel like to say less and still trust I’ll be okay?

✨ Affirm: I am enough without over-explaining. My truth speaks for itself.

Perfectionism: Fear of Failing or Being Seen

We wear this as a badge of honour. But the truth is, perfectionism isn’t necessarily about high standards it’s about fear. We obsess over everything, to avoid the feelings of not being good enough.

Why it happens

Perfectionism can stem from a deep fear of failure, judgment, or not being good enough. It often masks a sense of inadequacy. If we do everything perfectly, we can avoid criticism or rejection.

Signs you might be people-pleasing:

• You agree to things you don’t want to do
• You feel responsible for other people’s feelings
• You struggle to say no, even when you’re overwhelmed
• You feel anxious or guilty after setting boundaries

👉 Ask yourself: What’s the kindest way I can move forward even if it’s not perfect?

✨ Affirm: Progress is enough. I release the need to be perfect. I am worthy as I am.

People-Pleasing: Avoiding Conflict to Stay Safe

This is something I am still working on personally. It’s a way to protect ourselves. We may have learnt to keep others happy to feel safe or avoid rejection.

Why it happens

They say that people-pleasing is often a survival strategy developed in environments where love, safety, or approval are conditional. We learned to stay safe by keeping others happy, even at our own expense.

Signs you might be people-pleasing:

• You agree to things you don’t want to do
• You feel responsible for other people’s feelings
• You struggle to say no, even when you’re overwhelmed
• You feel anxious or guilty after setting boundaries

👉 Ask yourself: What boundary would I set today if I trusted I’d still be loved?

✨ Affirmation: I honour my needs without guilt. I can be loved without abandoning myself.

Final Thoughts: Awareness Is the First Step

These habits and behaviours may feel frustrating or confusing but they’re not flaws. They’re adaptations, shaped by our past and reinforced over time. The good news? Once you notice them, you can start to choose differently.

This isn’t about fixing yourself. It’s about understanding, being curious and questioning the why. You can then create safety within your body to step into your power and show up authentically.

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